Rooting in the past is the most common cause of family quarrels and scandals. When, during an argument, one of the spouses remembers what bad was done by the other party yesterday, a week, a year ago. Naturally from the position of “You messed up like this last time.” When there is an attack, the second person defends himself. This is how spouses blame each other. Of course, I was married myself and heard all this in practice. My drunken ex-husband often insulted all my relatives and I also said ugly things to them in response... Oh, it’s just a shame to write, this feeling presses right into my temples... but this is life in all its colors, black and gray at such moments. By the way, I also realized with the help of training to become a psychologist that in my family relationships I walked along the Karpman triangle of victim-aggressor-rescuer. Difficult to notice without special knowledge. An important clarification: a third character always appears. There may be addiction (alcohol, games, working for days), a lover, mistress, children involved, when the intensity of emotions is unbearable for both. The husband accuses and insults his wife. She is a “victim” at this moment. Then she responds to him with aggression and the wife is automatically the “aggressor.” And here any addiction comes into the arena so that the woman becomes a “savior”. “Poor, darling, I will help you cope with any problem. This is running in a circle, because if someone stops, they will consider it a psychological defeat. In the end, the couple may blame the parents. Until the critical point comes. Is the situation familiar to you? Maybe in relationships with parents. When a mother tells her son about the same habits as his father. Or an adult daughter blames her parents for the lack of warmth in her childhood. You can stop the scandal and emotions if you understand that there is no winner in this game. It is always better to say how you feel about the person’s actions. And ask how he understood. Hear about his attitude and desires. Interested in the topic of conflict? It turns out that you can find a solution that is pleasant for both of you.?