“If everything is fine with us, why do I doubt it?” Is anyone familiar with such a nasty little thought? I'm sure so. In therapy, this request is also not uncommon. And there it turns out that doubts are not about what is good now. They are about the future, about how relationships will develop. For example, we will get married, move in together, or separate from our parents. New difficulties will inevitably arise. Can we cope with them? Even if you try to think positively, there is still a vague worry that something will go wrong. Like Murphy's law. This is not fear. Namely, the concern “is it necessary?” The reason is often seen that the one who doubts is simply anxious. Yes, it is. But it's not only that. What else? The fact is that people tend to strive for development and strive for homeostasis. Simply put, we want change and for things to stay the same. We want it at the same time. Because, in a certain area, I know what happened, what is and what will approximately happen. Everything has turned out to be “good” and is going as usual. But the couple still faces new challenges. It's not necessarily about marriage and reproduction. It’s just that if partners develop, their needs change. And this requires regular restructuring in relationships. If you don’t take care of this, then the couple will sooner or later run into a crisis. Another reason for doubt could be that the couple has run out of credit limit. And I'm not talking about money now. Still about relationships. When people just start dating, everything is resolved easily and simply because they have been given a kind of “energy loan.” You can call it falling in love, the novelty effect, or something else. The point is that during this period you can flutter over difficulties. They are easily overcome by self-deception and the desire to please and please a partner. There is a lot of strength, interest, and even excitement behind this. But it's not endless. The limit is ending. Now we need to work on the relationship to maintain the energy level in it. All difficulties have to be dealt with manually. And doubts here no longer seem inappropriate. What to do? Remember that doubts are fear of something new (what if? how will it be? what if?). Until you try, you won’t know what awaits you beyond the horizon. The unknown is scary, that's natural. Therefore, we often try to obscure it with at least some fame. For example, everyone knows that “everyday life” kills relationships. This means that you can meekly wait until she kills yours too, so as not to break traditions. And you can remember that you are driving, and not the circumstances. The subject is always stronger. Remember what difficulties you have dealt with before and how you did it. By the way, not necessarily in relationships (in work, in school, in other matters). Accept that “you can’t lay straw everywhere,” no matter how hard you try. All difficulties cannot be predicted. They have been and will be in relationships between people. Don't do anything without preparedness. “We want children” and “it’s time for children” are two different things. And the desire to be equal, to do like everyone else, also does not lead to anything good. What will people say? Fine. For example, I am also a “people person”. And I will say - this is all nonsense. That's why your life is yours. This is a drawing, not a stamp. Listen to others when you learn yourself. Stay honest. With yourself and with your partner. If you doubt it, tell me. It is this, and not maintaining an image, that will be your strongest contribution to the couple. So this is working on relationships? Is she like that? Yes. True, I don’t like the word “work” here. Caring would be a much better fit. Taking care of relationships. Here. Now that's exactly what I wanted to say.