From the author: The author’s methodology has not been published anywhere before. Exercise “Two Triangles.” (Persona or Alter Ego) Can be used and played with marriage partners, with conflicting parties, in family counseling. I am sure that my colleagues, inspired by this game, will be able to come up with their own versions. A little theory, in fact, what kind of triangles are we talking about. So, based to some extent on the theories of Eric Berne, Stefan Karpman described one of the most common communication models, to which many (though not all) psychological games can be reduced. This model is called the Karpman triangle. The game, as its name suggests, has three participants: Rescuer, Persecutor (Aggressor, Tyrant) and Victim. This triangle is often called the Triangle of Power. The most indicative model, for example, in fairy tale therapy is the fairy tale “Little Red Riding Hood”, known to everyone. The victim, a girl, in a provocative headdress, visible even to a short-sighted wolf from a kilometer away, splashes alone through the forest in shoes that are terribly uncomfortable for running. The pursuer is a Wolf, of unknown age, inspired at first by the easy prey of goodies in the basket, gets more and more excited and develops an insidious plan to chew on the grandmother and the stupid Little Red Riding Hood, who, without any special tricks on the part of the Wolf, tells him all the ins and outs. The Hunter is at the same time the Rescuer of the grandmother and granddaughter, and the Pursuer of the Wolf. He has the most enviable role, he is a hero. He is raking in gratitude - this, indeed, is something the Rescuers can only have in a fairy tale. It can be interesting to listen to this fairy tale performed by different people. Let us now consider in a little more detail the Triangle of Power. The position of the Victim is that “I am helpless and hopeless, try to help me.” The position of the Savior complements the position of the Victim: “You are helpless and hopeless. However, I will try to help you.” The Persecutor’s Attitude – “You are helpless and hopeless, and it is your fault.” These roles are interchangeable [i.e. one and the same person may find himself in each of the roles during the game]. In the role of the Victim, a person feels helpless and ashamed, in the position of the Rescuer - guilty, and in the position of the Persecutor - irritated. “Rescue” does not work and usually results in Persecution. Although each participant plays all three roles, people usually prefer one of them.” By the way, the Rescuer is the most significant figure in the triangle - without him, it would have disintegrated long ago. Not a single Victim would agree to this role without the bonus of at least occasionally being the Persecutor - this is the carrot that makes everything go round. But it is usually impossible to change from a Victim to a Persecutor without a Rescuer. Without him, everything seems to lose meaning. Communication within this triangle is a very effective way of not taking responsibility for your actions and decisions, and also as a reward for this you will receive strong emotions and the right not to solve your problems (since others are to blame for this). Several typical triangles. Old Psychologist – Client – ​​New Psychologist Wife – Husband – Mistress Husband – Wife – Wife’s Friend Magical features of the triangle: 1. Each participant is in all its corners (plays all the roles assigned to the triangle); 2. The triangle is designed in such a way that it involves more and more new members of the orgy. Below are the signs by which you can recognize yourself when you find yourself in a triangle. Feelings experienced by the participants in the events: Victim: A feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, coercion and harm, hopelessness, powerlessness . those he wants to help), greater competence, greater strength, intelligence, greater access to resources, “he knows more about how to act,” a feeling of pleasantnessomnipotence and omnipotence in relation to a specific situation, confidence that he can help, confidence that he knows (or at least can find out) exactly how this can be done, inability to refuse (it is inconvenient to refuse help, or to leave a person without help), compassion, a sharp, aching feeling of empathy (note, this is a very important point: the Rescuer is associated with the Victim! Which means he can never truly help her!), responsibility FOR another. Persecutor: A sense of self-righteousness, noble indignation and righteous anger, the desire to punish the offender, the desire to restore justice, offended pride, the conviction that only he knows what is right, irritation with the victim and especially with the saviors, whom he perceives as an interfering factor (the saviors are mistaken, because only he knows what to do right now !), the excitement of the hunt, the excitement of the chase. How to jump out of a triangle? The most important thing is to understand at what Role you entered the triangle? Which of the corners of the triangle was the entrance to it for you? Usually the manuals give the following advice: replace the roles with others. And then the second triangle appears - the Triangle of Self-Knowledge. I often call it the Triangle of Acceptance or Self-Awareness, because... all participants understand and accept each other: “I am okay, and you are okay.” The pursuer must become a Teacher for you. “Our enemies, and those who “disturb” us, are our best trainers and teachers. The Rescuer is an Assistant, Guide, Trainer (I prefer the word “Mediator”). And the Victim is a Student. If you find yourself playing the role of a Victim - start learning. If you realize yourself in the role of a Teacher, refuse to humiliate another and any kind of violence. If you find yourself in the role of a Rescuer, give up stupid thoughts that the one “who needs help” is weak and weak. Accepting such thoughts. , You are doing him a disservice. You are doing something FOR him. You are preventing him from learning something important for him on his own. The wonderful psychotherapist Alexander Efimovich Alekseychik says: “You can only help someone who does something.” turning to the one who was helpless at that moment: “What are you doing so that he (the one who helps) can help you? In order to get help, you must do something. You can only help with what you do. If you don’t do it, you can’t be helped.” A few words about codependents. Codependents try to save others because for them it is easier than enduring discomfort and awkwardness, and sometimes mental pain, when faced with unresolved problems. Codependents don't say: "It's too bad that you have such a problem. How can I help you?" Their answer is: “I am here. I will do it for you.” If a codependent person does not learn to recognize the moments when he needs to be the Savior, then he will constantly allow others to put him in the position of Victim. In fact, codependents themselves participate in the process of their own victimization. The time a codependent person spends in one role can last from a few seconds to several years; in one day you can alternately play the role of Rescuer - Persecutor - Victim twenty times. The goal of psychotherapy in this case is to teach codependents to recognize their roles and consciously refuse the role of the Rescuer. Prevention of the Victim's condition lies in consciously not accepting the role of the Rescuer. Now my options for working with metaphorical cards. Prepare 2 A3 sheets with drawings. Savior Mediator Victim Persecutor Student Teacher Triangle of Power TriangleSelf-knowledge Option No. 1: Psychologist to client: “Choose any 3 person cards. Get to know them, i.e. describe what you see, imagine what they could do in life, what they like, don’t like, do they have a family, etc..” The description of the cards is given for adaptation, training and a more relaxed state. When the description is completed, place the sheet with the Triangle of Power. Ask the client what he knows about the game or what he thinks about the roles. Listen. Then briefly introduce the concept of the Karpman Triangle. I say literally a few words about roles. Ask the client to arrange the previously selected cards by role on this triangle. Next, the client tells in what situations and why they find themselves in these roles. In the simulated game of some clients, persons previously unfamiliar with each other suddenly enter into some kind of relationship. Diagnose JAsk now to swap them, i.e. the one who was the Victim will become the Persecutor and further. Come up with a situation in which a person who previously acted as a Victim can become (play the role of) a Persecutor. And so each card must play all roles. What conclusion can be drawn? What happens in life? What role does the client play most often in life? How can the Victim, the Persecutor and the Rescuer stop running in a vicious circle? Usually the client does not know the answer. Now, with a “light movement of the hand,” place the sheet with the Triangle of Self-Knowledge next to it. Ask to review roles. Ask how he understands this triangle? If necessary, add information about this triangle. Let the client start with the first layout and place the card that was initially the Victim on the top of the triangle, where it says Student, and then Persecutor - Teacher, Rescuer - Mediator. It is advisable for the client to remember (The psychologist helps in case of difficulty, you can keep notes if you do not rely on memory) the initial situation. What can this person learn as a learner? What can he teach another in the role of a Teacher (again, remember the previous situation where he was in the role of a Persecutor?). And how will this person behave in the role of the Mediator? We do this with each card to train flexibility of thinking. If it is difficult to do with all three cards, it is enough to walk along the vertices of the triangle with one. The main question to the client: How can this information and experience of this game help you in life? Ask the client to write scenarios of his role-playing games from real life, first in the Triangle of Power, then, new thoughts and behavior patterns in the Triangle of Self-Knowledge. A small fragment from the notes of a client, 43 years old, married, two children - a son 23 years old, a daughter 16 years old. “I feel like a Victim when my daughter doesn’t listen to me and ignores my demands to come home no later than 10 pm. When I start scolding her, she yells at me, slams the door, and is rude. Usually, if my husband is at home, he goes to her room for a “debriefing,” then he calms me down and tells me to remember myself at 16 years old. I feel powerless to do anything, I take offense at her, and cry. What is my daughter trying to teach me as a Teacher? Firstly, respect for her as an individual. I need to completely give up my habit of demanding, grumbling and constantly controlling her, because... she is no longer a little girl. Learn to listen to her, be interested in her life, be grateful for her help (my daughter does a lot around the house). And the main thing for today is to admit your wrong behavior and explain yourself kindly to your daughter. Yes, also learn to ask and explain, and not demand. Now I see that I myself would want to be treated like this if I were 16 years old.” The victim not only draws all family members into his game, but at the same time acts as a Persecutor for his daughter. Option No. 2: First, introduce the client to the Power Triangle. Then ask him to find a suitable person from the cards for each role. Let him explain to you why he chose these cards for the role of the Victim,