From the author: In fact, this is a very sore subject and in consultations with a psychotherapist it is also heard, most often from the lips of women, but from the lips of men too. Why do you think men don’t want get married? Here are some of the most typical answers given by a popular magazine: “They value their freedom.” “They are afraid of treacherous women.” “Why is this even necessary?” “Because they are gay.” “They want to earn all the money in the world first.” their demands on girls are too high” “The stamp in the passport is a formality” “The time has not come yet. I personally will think about marriage after 30.” “Because we are already married.” In fact, this is a very sore subject and during consultations with a psychotherapist it is also heard, most often from the lips of women, but from the lips of men too. I would like to understand what is behind these answers, what pain? Let's look at some of the answers in more detail: the man is in a civil marriage and everything is fine, except that all of her relatives, especially hers, have already begun to specifically hint at a wedding. And at this moment fear and panic arise: “What if my life will be like everyone else’s? Home-work-work-home! It's horrible! I don’t want that!” You have already read in the article “Neurosis: everyone knows, but not everyone understands” how neurosis arises and in this situation it will also arise if a man loves his woman. And his two differently directed motivations will sound like this: on the one hand, “I love her, I miss her, I don’t want to live without her,” but on the other hand, “I’m afraid to get married, what if she turns into my mother,” especially since his future mother-in-law is already married to him “pressures” - persistently asks to go to the dacha (how can you refuse her?), the wife calls “Where are you?” etc. In such a situation, it is obvious that behind this fear there is an elementary desire to build your personal boundaries in relationships with both your wife and her family, to build them in such a way as to comply with the main law of the jungle: “Save the relationship without losing yourself!” This is important, important for any person, and if in ordinary life it is not felt this way, then in the face of marriage this problem of undeveloped psychological boundaries, the inability to defend one’s self and one’s interests comes to the fore. So to speak, the time bomb began to manifest itself. Let's look further: “They are afraid of treacherous women.” Well, everything is easy here - it means that there was a sad experience in the past, in your own or in the past of your loved ones, and the scenario about deceit and deception was learned, more often the deceit is that “she needs my money.” Such clients usually do not marry their beautiful and young common-law wives precisely because of this fear of repeating such relationships. But here’s the paradox - the woman of such a man begins to feel dissatisfied with the relationship without registration, feels as if she is not a wife at all and tries with all her might to please him. To confirm that he still needs her, he begs for expensive gifts, starts injecting himself with all the injections there are in the world of cosmetology, and dresses in more expensive and cool clothes. And, of course, against this background, he begins to confirm his fears: “Well, I told you, she only needs money from me!” She’s trying to get him married as soon as possible, but he thinks that he’s trying to get money and will soon leave her. About the high demands on girls - these are intellectual guys, to whom their mothers inspired that a girl should study with an “A” and be smart, so they dig and dig…. About “earning all the money in the world” - it was dad who inspired that a man should support his family, so the poor suffer, not knowing that they can rely on a woman. There is nothing to say about married people: it is extremely rare for men to change their minds, more often using mistresses for novelty of sensations. The girl does this for the sake of safety: a married man does not marry, and this is great, because there is fear of family relationships, but this is a completely different story. What do you think: why don’t men get married? ©Psychoclassics™