I work as a psychologist and provide consultations in person and online. One of the types of my consulting is written communication on a social network or messenger. A consultation in the form of a “question and answer” is short-term, it allows you to quickly get an answer from a psychologist and begin to independently understand the topic of concern. Below I will quote an example of such a consultation-correspondence - anonymously, with the consent of the client. Client, 30 years old: Crisis in the relationship, everything is on the verge of breaking. I don’t know what to do and what to do? I am 30 years old. I have been living in a civil marriage for three years. Every day it gets worse and worse. Complete misunderstanding of each other. Is love. But it’s like there’s a war between hires. He doesn’t hear me, I, in his words, don’t hear him. We have been together for three years, a year later we moved due to forced circumstances, I have a child from my first marriage. My husband works from home remotely. Due to the move, I don’t have the opportunity to go to work, I take care of the house and try to help him in everything. The problems started as soon as we moved. 24/7 - together, and also a child in a one-room apartment. Like a snowball. The further it goes, the worse it gets. I believe that he doesn’t even want to understand me; where I need care and support, he yells. I stress myself out even more. He says that on my part it’s the same, no care or support, although he does everything for us. I believe that he does more for himself. He notices all the shortcomings and mistakes, and constantly talks about it. As if he was just waiting for a reason to be sarcastic. He is sarcastic about the child, although it seems to me that he should understand that this hurts me as a mother. He says that he is tired and leaves, although he often says this. I don’t have the strength and I can’t look at it. I love you, sometimes I just want to hug you. He twists everything in such a way that it is always my fault, and I apologize. I admit, and I tell him this, that I know my mistakes, and that at such moments, I just need to be hugged and kissed so that I feel that I am needed. He says: “You want this, you won’t get it, suffer. I will never agree that you are right.” It’s as if there is an enemy nearby, and not a loved one. Why is that? I believe that sometimes a man should see that a woman is more emotional and on the edge, and stop, calm her down. And he just finishes it off. Why? I can’t understand..? Psychologist: Okay, what question is for me, as a specialist? Client: Why doesn’t he hear me? Psychologist: We can’t say why he doesn’t hear you and doesn’t respond to your requests. Only your husband can answer this question. I think it will be good if you answer for yourself the question of what exactly you want from your marriage, what are your expectations. What exactly do you want from your spouse and what are you willing to invest on your part into your union. The conversation is not about love at all. Conversation about specific things and actions: care, feeling of security, sex, income, housing, etc. You can remember the expectations that you had at the very beginning of the relationship, write them down and compare them with what you have now, and write them down too. Think, analyze what is important to you and what you cannot give up, and what you are willing to give up. Explore this question, ask yourself: “Why do I need all this? What am I doing here?” When you clarify this point for yourself, choose a convenient opportunity to talk with your husband, when everyone is calm, in no hurry and there is time to talk. After that, you voice to your spouse what is bothering you. Say it like it is about the fact that the relationship is not working out, you feel bad and your nerves are already getting worse. Say, based on your previous lists and thoughts, what you need. And you pose the question: “How will we live further?” During the conversation, you will need to agree substantively, trying not to slip into resentment and complaints, about your needs in life together and ways to satisfy them. View your family as an enterprise that has goals and means to achieve them. You and your husband are partners, each went into this enterprise expecting certain dividends, and each defined their role, albeit often unconsciously. It will be good if the husband is also on this.