About infantility. I don't like this word. And who loves... But this state is so familiar to me that my dear mother... Therefore, I want to describe how I understand and feel it. The image is collective, artistic. I am wounded inside, I was not loved, not warmed up by those who rightfully should have. But could not. And I grew up, but my wound grew along with me. What is she wearing? In many ways, for example, I want to be praised and admired - I missed this so much before. Or they always stayed by my side, even if I myself couldn’t be there, but so that someone else could, always. And he understood me. I was once denied this. Or I may be so deeply hurt in my feelings, ashamed and rejected by them at one time that I become insensitive and easy. Well, I’m doing something and you tell me that it hurts. I can’t even imagine - you’re talking some kind of bullshit. Whoa, that's business. I can't feel your pain and acknowledge it. Because I don't feel like I belong. And so I’m looking for you - so alien and at the same time similar to that same person from the past. And I’m starting to lose my relationship with you. I begin to want from you what I never received. And you are looking for ways to come to an agreement with me, to show that you are not the same, and the situation is completely different. But I am blind, I see only my wound and those feelings, the pain that lives deep inside me. And I continue to play out my script with you, over and over again. And you have no chance of reaching an agreement with me. I'm not ready to cooperate. Because for this I have to be an adult and see You, and not those who were once so strong... And here I am still standing so big with a small wounded child inside and waving my scoop in a frenzy, convincing myself and you how painful, unfair and how different you are. How to live with this? Difficult. Sometimes it's unbearable. Because everyone is always different, unfair. And I'm always unsatisfied. Some people live like this all their lives. Some people are luckier. How to treat it? It's difficult, long and expensive. But relief comes when you begin to understand and believe in the following. On the contrary, he is a simple person like you. Not omnipotent and able to give what is so needed. He simply does not have it, either at all, or to the enormous extent that is necessary. Just a person, vulnerable and just as wounded, lucky if in something else. On the contrary, the same person who doesn’t know what’s best, how to do it. And a seeker just like you. And if he suddenly says that he knows, then he is either deceiving himself and others, or he has already made a mistake here a hundred times in the process of searching. On the contrary, it’s just a person with different needs and cockroaches. And if this same person does not choose you, then this speaks of his limitations, and not of your inferiority. What can you do... People just need a lot more things in life besides us. And probably, well, it seems to me, growing up begins where I stop blaming you. And I start to think what I can do to become at least a little happier.).