Why do stable and predictable relationships seem boring? Why does a person again and again enter into relationships with dubious partners? Why is it so tempting to “swing on the emotional swing” in an unsafe relationship? Often children raised in dysfunctional (“bad”, dysfunctional) families, where there was no love, respect and trust, whose parents systematically humiliated each other, shouted at each other, possibly drank alcohol/drugs and beat each other, when they became adults, they entered into similar “bad” relationships. And this despite the fact that for years before their eyes there was an example of parents “how not to ” and a clear confidence that “I definitely won’t have that!” Why are you so drawn to “bad” partners in dangerous relationships? Imagine a preschool child. This evening mom and dad are having a serious fight in the kitchen. The child hears screams, humiliation and swearing. There may be alcohol on the table. Perhaps the parents are breaking furniture and dishes are flying - the father again raised his hand against the mother... The child is hiding in his room or in his corner, under the blanket. He is scared, he feels bad, the whole world seems like a dangerous, terrible place (after all, at that age, the family is almost the whole world). He cries quietly and his body is shaken by horror. The next day the parents made peace. Dad came home from work on time and sober, bought a toy, and mom baked a pie. The parents talk normally “as if nothing had happened,” watch TV and promise to go to the park together this weekend. How does the child feel at this moment? Happiness! Boundless joy, euphoria. Now everything is finally fine and you can relax. “And tomorrow we’ll also go to the park, we’ll eat cotton candy with mom and dad and ride on the carousel.” These fluctuations from terrible, animal fear to boundless joy are “imprinted” in the child’s mind. To some extent, on an emotional level, they corrupt him. “It was so creepy, but it became so unrealistically cool!” The extreme difference in the amplitude of emotions, feelings and states causes an unhealthy dependence on this “emotional roller coaster”. And a destructive thought appears: “for very bad things will definitely be good.” With such emotional swings, children get used to a kind of “emotional fever.” Then it becomes something absolutely natural, and then necessary. And if in childhood this “attraction” was provided to the child by the parents, then the grown-up person begins to look for bright emotions among his peers, trying to build his own relationships. And this person, on a conscious level, wants peace, love and security (who doesn’t want that?!). But unconsciously, calmness will be perceived by him as extreme emptiness. Then it turns out that “normal” people are not attractive, and “good” boys and girls are not attracted. I only like brats, womanizers, bitches, abusers and narcissists. With these unstable guys, you can systematically experience the entire spectrum of strong emotions from blissful satisfaction to psychological horror. Just like in childhood. But normal, calm, respectful, safe relationships don’t “put in.” When people fall in love, a kind of return in time occurs. Scott Pack, an American psychiatrist, describes it this way: “In some respects (but certainly not all) the act of falling in love is an act of regression. The experience of being united with a loved one has its echoes from the time when we were united with our mothers in infancy.” The instability of childhood relationships gives rise to the need for a similar unstable relationship in adulthood. In terms of the field of study of dependent behavior, this phenomenon is called Stimulation Syndrome - a state of “emotional swing” that has become familiar to a person, that is, a series of events and sensations sharply different in emotional coloring, the loss of which leads to to the experience of emotional insufficiency and an acute desire to resume such swings. By entering into a calm relationship with a prosperous).