From the author: “Let everything in your life come true, like in a fairy tale!!!” - we wish for our loved ones and friends, and we ourselves dream that our life will also be like a fairy tale. But why does someone succeed in everything, while others are plagued by failures, why is the life of one a heroic epic, the other a love affair? and the third - pulp fiction? Having looked closely at the events of your life and the lives of those around you, you can notice certain patterns: some allow you to be happy, others prohibit you. And although we ourselves plan our lives, and our fate is determined primarily by our decisions, which, as it seems, we make independently, yet in the background there is something that was outside our zone of influence, like some “evil” patterns. What is this? for negative patterns-prohibitions, which are so often usually called villainous fate or fate? To understand them better, let's look at three very eloquent examples... Stories from lifeCase one. A mother comes holding her hand with her child... 25 years old! - and says: “We are depressed, we don’t want to live” or... “We are having panic attacks, we don’t leave the house.” And at first glance, it seems that the problem is with the “baby” and he urgently needs to be saved. But no... This is mommy’s problem, she is so self-absorbed in living the life of a “child” that he no longer needs to live his own life, or he was very well taught to be an Eternal Child. And the opposite situation: another teenager comes - he comes! - and asks to conduct career guidance with him in order to decide on his future profession, because he needs to live fully and wants to quickly feel like an Adult. Case two. Recently, we often have to deal with prolonged depression (more than two weeks) in people of retirement age. They have devoted their entire lives to “taking the peaks” in their careers, and for them, retirement is tantamount to “falling from the top,” because they knew how to take these peaks very well, but they did not know how to live “on the plain.” And at the same time, it is increasingly pleasant to see other pensioners who have every minute planned out every minute: when to take their grandchildren to school, when to go to ballroom dancing themselves, when to the next concert or exhibition, some create a mutual aid fund, others create their own yard decorated in such a way that it receives the title “Best in the City” and becomes a place of excursions. For them, retirement is a time of great self-realization, because now the Majesty of Time itself provides so many opportunities. And they happily use it to create. Knowing them personally, I can say that their list of illnesses is sometimes more serious than the first, but they live actively and joyfully, and it is impossible to see them on a bench with stories about illnesses and “How bad it is in the country”, because they they know that the main thing is not to “take the peak”, but to create something valuable and useful on it and get pleasure from it. Programming “fate” From the above examples we see different life scenarios: some themselves determine how to live and what to get pleasure from - they take on the role of “Winner”, others believe that misfortunes “fall on their own heads” and “who “to blame”: the child is ungrateful, the government is wrong, illnesses are interfering, - and they take on the role of “Loser” - a victim of circumstances. Winners do not even suspect that someone owes them something, they just know that they can do in order... to realize their plans and implement the positive principles learned from childhood “Live”, “Grow”, “Be yourself”. With Losers, at first glance, it seems that they have their disastrous results due to objective reasons, and in some way in that sense they are truly objective. But only in that part that relates to their childhood up to 5 years old: all of them, without knowing it, lived implementing parental programs-suggestions, so-called parental messages - prohibitions on happiness: pensioners who did not find the meaning of life in retirement - “Achieve ” or “Be perfect” (the trouble is that the boundaries of perfection are unattainable), and those who “nobly” lived the lives of others -they made it clear to their loved ones “Don’t live” or “Don’t grow.” And here there is no need to run to fortune-tellers, it’s enough to look at your life from the outside... Prohibitions on happiness: You are an unusual child, and therefore you must achieve a lot. You are everything that there is I have. It’s my pleasure to do this for you. I know better what you want. The world is too dirty and dangerous, and you need protection from it. If you don't meet our requirements, then you're worthless. Keep your head down so they don't laugh at you. You are nothing but grief. Because of you, I am unhappy. Scenarios of life with a ban on happiness Depending on what PROHIBITIONS were instilled in us from childhood or what PERMISSIONS we received from our parents, grandparents, we play one of the roles: Winner, Loser or Gray Mouse. Such prohibitions fortunately, psychologists number at least twelve (during the recent rapid development of psychology as a science, some scientists have expanded this list twice). But no matter how many there are, they all form one of the options for NEUROTIC LIFE SCENARIOS, i.e. chronic unconscious withdrawal from oneself, from one’s happiness, scenarios with programs-conditions of unattainable happiness or even bans on it:• UNTIL I do/receive/achieve... (something) - I CAN’T CONTINUE...to do/achieve/rejoice ...• For some reason I’m happy a lot right now. Oh, I’ll probably cry AFTER.• I NEVER get what I want!!!• “I ALWAYS have the same thing” (that same “Groundhog Day”)• This happened to me AGAIN...!!! • Scenario “SISYPHUS”, named after the mythological hero – the hero Sisyphus. According to legend, the Gods punished him for his pride by ordering him to roll a huge stone up the mountain, but here’s the problem... in one version: every time when the top was very close, his arms weakened, and he and the stone rolled head over heels down; in another: Sisyphus reached the top, but did not rejoice in victory for long, because the only thing he knew how to do in his life was to roll a stone up a mountain, and he found himself a new mountain for a new assault (how similar is this to cases of chasing for everything a more rounded bank account, which has become the meaning of life). All these are scenarios of Losers and Gray Mice, and no fortune tellers and psychics will help here, they will only strengthen a person in the belief that nothing really depends on them, thereby fixing people in these negative roles . They, as a rule, tell you that someone sent a curse, hung a “crown of celibacy”, planted tofiks (i.e. devils) in the field and “plunged you into Darkness.” And vice versa, if you have found a wonderful positive in your life name, like a wonderful, exciting fairy tale (each has its own name), then we can congratulate you on both the role of the Winner and on the FREE LIFE SCENARIO - there are a lot of them and they are all unique in their own way, but they all have common laws... Signs of freedom of choice .• Freedom and Responsibility are two sides of the same coin and it is mine.• I want what I can and I can achieve what I want.• Yes, I was lucky, but I know what I did for this...• It is important for me to know “why” “, but it’s even more important to know “how.”• “I MYSELF” or “Or what can I fix, do differently.”• “Trust in God, but don’t make a mistake yourself.”• “What you sow is what you reap” or “Judge it by the fruits of the tree.” Signs of lack of freedom of choice. But how to recognize the scenarios of “Misfortune”? All of them have five main constant and characteristic features as a dominant state:• “Nothing depends on me” or “Everything is predetermined from above.”• Life is like running in a circle called “Such is fate.” Another version of it: “then the stripe is black, then the stripe is white” - which is the same as running in a circle, only in a less noticeable version. • The feeling that something is always missing for complete happiness. Another option is a pessimistic disbelief that happiness is achievable.• A constant feeling of lack of freedom, namely compulsion, when I do not what I want and can, but what others demand: parents, spouses, unspoken norms “this is how it is accepted” or “ as everybody". Another option: constant conflict - or “I want, but I don’t.”