Psychological framework and personal boundaries of children. A child is born with a set of basic feelings. One of them is the feeling of fear. The baby needs the presence of his mother, to hear her smell, in order to feel safe. Then he makes eye contact, this requires a short distance. Those. he is comfortable if his mother is in his field of vision. A child under one year old feels anxious if he cannot find his mother with his eyes if she has gone into another room. So, gradually, the child learns to separate from his mother and feel comfortable at the same time. From one to three years, initiative and independence develop, it is very important not suppress, but encourage within reasonable limits. Until the age of three, the symbiotic connection is normally broken; the crisis of 2-3 years helps the child begin to identify himself as an individual person. The child speaks about himself using “I”, and not by name. Mom gradually stops using the form of the pronoun “we”: we ate, we go to the garden, we are sick. From 3 to 6 years old, there is a simultaneous defense of one’s territory and a desire to expand one’s borders. Of course, when many parents enter school, “we” returns: we do our homework, we have an assignment, we have a test. Indeed, at first, the mother constantly helps the first grader, writes down the homework herself, and checks how the briefcase is folded. It is very important not to miss the moment and gradually shift the responsibility for learning onto the child’s shoulders, otherwise he will not want to accept this gift later. Motivation for learning and development in general is of great importance. At any age, a child needs the support of parents, but each age requires its own specific forms of cooperation. The task of parents is not to protect the child from all the bumps, but to teach him to adequately deal with life’s difficulties. At the age of 6 -11 years old, their secrets appear, personal boundaries acquire clear outlines, expansion occurs gradually. Starting from early adolescence (11-13 years old), parents should know that it is now useless to lay claim to the entire psychological territory of the child; he is trying to try on other people’s ideals, different from family ones, by acting tactfully, you can build relationships that are comfortable for both parties. Actually, adolescence itself (13-16 years) is a struggle for every millimeter of territory, this is the age of “hermitage.” Closed doors, huge baggy clothes, dirty hair, etc. By reaching adolescence (17-19), usually all the boundaries have already been built. If the parents had enough wisdom and memories of their youth, then the relationship begins to improve, it is completely different, deeper. At any age, a child should feel that the world is safe. How can I help him with this? There are several options for building personal boundaries: allow everything, prohibit everything, allow everything and at the same time control, allow him to do something himself and allow him to face the consequences of his mistakes, while explaining it gently. In our country, over the past 10-20 years, a lot has changed in the education system. Authoritarian (tough, does not tolerate objections and deviations, “I know better than you,” it’s too small to tell me, do as is customary, otherwise I will punish you, shame in front of your neighbors and etc.) was replaced by the upbringing of an idol (the child is a king, there are all servants around, the child calls his grandmother names - everyone laughs, he hits his grandfather - the grandfather rushes to hug him, a similar scenario is possible without manifestations of aggression, parents constantly emphasize that their child is the smartest, the most strong, most beautiful, etc.). These two extremes of violating psychological boundaries, of course, give rise to a lot of problems in raising a child. Today we will focus on raising an idol. Until about two or three years of age, it is mainly relatives who suffer from this style of upbringing. When a child begins to attend a kindergarten or development club, he begins to “work out” his chosenness on his peers. Here he will be greatly disappointed: the children do not admire him, they fight back, making friends with someone is generally a problem. desire to be