Maleichuk Gennady Ivanovich Client, 23 years old, married, 2 children, higher education. Outwardly she is very bright, beautiful, tall, slender. At the first session, client D. complained of periodic itching (mainly in the area of ​​​​the hands). Studying the history of “itching” made it possible to exclude its somatic or neurological origin due to two facts: 1) despite numerous appeals to dermatologists, the diagnosis was never made; 2) the occurrence of attacks of itching was provoked by psychogenic factors - itching occurred in situations of tension, excitement, and negative experiences. The above made it possible to assume the psychogenic nature of the itching and work with it using psychotherapeutic means. When examining the client’s self-image, a large number of descriptions related to the dirty – clean modality were immediately discovered, which was a particular aspect of a more general attitude towards oneself – good – bad. The client showed disgust, spoke about herself contradictorily: on the one hand, she imagined herself as “some kind of princess” (her expression), clean, beautiful (externally and internally), on the other hand, she said that she was actually “dirty” (thoughts , feelings, desires), outwardly ugly, that she only seems so pure and immaculate to others, in reality everything is not so. The client showed a fear that Others would find out and think that she was actually not so good, pure... Behind these demonstrative self-flagellations, one could see a high need for external evaluation and an insufficiently formed internal one. This kind of self-presentation was seen as an attempt to attract the therapist’s attention, to hear from him that she was really good, beautiful, etc. Behind such phenomenology is, as a rule, a narcissistic level of impairment. D. immediately developed a positive idealizing transference in relation to the therapist. When trying to contact the client about clarifying her feelings and relationship with the therapist, the client showed strong resistance - she began to cry, tear her hands, and scrape her nails along the upholstery of the sofa. Exercises to identify with the itch and the therapist’s suggestions to “become the itch” and “speak on its behalf” did not give a positive result. The client did not take these tasks seriously, performed them, trying not to offend the therapist, but at the same time behaved flirtatiously, performed the exercises formally, “played” at doing the exercises, trying to be a diligent, obedient student. Attempts to explore the client’s “dirty thoughts and feelings” were also unsuccessful. Here she also showed a lot of resistance, cried, said that her head was empty, there were no thoughts, nothing came to mind... The client also demonstrated other forms of resistance, tried to drag out the therapeutic sessions (she started crying at the very end of the session), forgot to pay money, made a mistake when paying in her favor, etc. In other cases, the client “jumped” from one topic to another, so that there was a feeling that this was a “game of catch-up.” After unsuccessful attempts to “run” after the client, I made it clear to D. that I am here, I am ready to listen to her, and if she has a desire to talk about a specific problem, then I am at her service, after which she calmed down somewhat and began behave less chaotically. We drew attention to several cases that occurred outside the therapeutic session, told by the client, or observed by the therapist in other situations, in particular in the format of group work, in which the client also participated. The first case concerned a demonstration of the therapist's work in a group of which the client was a member. The client said during the next therapeutic session that she had aggressive reactions towards the girl who acted as a client and resisted the work (“... she kept lying, presenting herself in a favorable light, I know what she really is like.” case"). In relation to the therapist, D. had a desire to support him and stand up for him. The client was offeredAs homework, tell that girl about her experiences that arose while observing the session, which she did. In response to the words heard in response that “... you are protecting him because you care about him,” the client developed nausea and a headache, and an attack of itching worsened. Attacks of itching also worsened when D. read the book “Good girls go to heaven, and bad girls go wherever they want.” Another interesting case was observed by the therapist during group work in a sand therapy session. D. chose a flower frozen under a layer of glass or bauxite resin as an object (symbol) for staging a group fairy tale. (A flower under a layer of glass can be considered as freezing, deadening of feelings, experiences, inability (fear?) to break through, to germinate). In the same session, in another exercise, the client chose a doll—a small, naked baby—as the object to be identified. When trying to introduce herself, the client burst into tears and could not say anything. This observation gave even more reason to assume that the client has a very strong fear (or shame?) of presenting herself, her feelings, thoughts, experiences. The topic of shame was seen in the context of the client’s history (good-bad, desire to be noticed and fear of being judged), but at this stage of therapy it turned out to be difficult to work through and met a lot of resistance. Deflexion and retroflexion dominated as mechanisms for interrupting contact. For the same reasons, working with a therapeutic relationship seemed premature. Working with fear was more accessible at this stage of therapy, which is what we did in subsequent sessions. Studying the client’s life history showed that she was very dependent on her mother and husband. The mother, according to D., is domineering, controlling, and evaluative. The husband is caring, caring, controlling. The father, according to the client, was calm, irresponsible, understanding and loving, but...too soft.” She had a good relationship with him. (Died 2 years ago in a car accident). To the question: “Who are you more like, your father or your mother?”, he answers that until the age of 15 she was the same as her mother - emotional, confident - after which she became quiet, calm like her father. She blames herself for her father’s death: “If she had not married V., her father would not have died and her mother would have been able to live with him for another 20 years.” Strong feeling of guilt before the mother: “I can’t say or do anything bad to her.” D. in response to the therapist’s question: “Tell me something about yourself,” he says the following: “I am a young woman, beautiful, slim and tall. I am helpful, I try to be convenient for everyone, I still remain so. I am a mother. Just recently it seemed to me that my children are my only excuse in this world, because we are all born for some purpose in this world. I am a good wife. Yes, I'm a good wife. I try to be understanding, try to support my husband’s hobbies, get involved in his hobbies. I guess. I’m not a very good daughter-in-law, but lately I’m not striving for this. I’m kind, but not always, affectionate, cunning, because I’m trying to please both yours and ours. I’m a bad daughter and not a very good friend. I don’t have any good friends. I’m changeable – sometimes it’s hot, sometimes it’s cold, sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s sad. I’m not free.” In the texts, the client’s dependence on other people, the desire to be comfortable, helpful, and understanding are striking. Own desires, aspirations, interests are not represented in the text. But there are already some doubts about the “need to remain like this.” D.’s reaction to the therapist’s question seems interesting: “Does a person need therapy?”: “Why?, the devil knows!!!!! The person gets freedom. What should you do with it? If over your entire past life you’ve gotten used to it, learned to be dependent. If you are used to living in a golden cage and don’t even notice it. And now you see the cage, it’s pressing, it’s cramped in it. And without a cage it’s scary and lonely. I really want to find a new cage that you won’t notice and won’t be burdened by. Does not work. There is no turning back, we must go forward. Where to go?Everywhere is dark and scary, lonely. It’s scary when you’re used to following someone, but here you have to choose the road yourself; if there’s no road, then the direction. On the other hand, someday you have to start learning to be independent, to get off someone else’s neck. Otherwise, even close people begin to be burdened by you, tired of you, of eternal care for you. It will be easier for others, but for me? It’s very pleasant to deal with this side of freedom as a right! “I have rights... I have rights!!!” But in addition to rights, there are also responsibilities, which are not always pleasant. It’s so difficult to grow up.” The illustrated text contains a lot of fear in the client before therapy (before life). But here at the same time there is already an awareness of the need to change something in your life - to “grow up.” The ambivalence of desires (to live in a golden cage, to be dependent - on the one hand, and to gain freedom, "learns independence" - on the other, puts the client before the need for choice. But since the new area of ​​​​"independent life" is not represented in D.'s experience, then hence there are so many fears. Fear, as we know, is a manifestation of the id function. All previous work before the presented text was aimed at manifesting and realizing the messages of the id. The work was accompanied, as noted above, by the client’s strong resistance to the realization of the messages of the id. , introjected Persona. In the content of D.’s Persona there were many introjects regarding her “correctness,” “goodness,” and impeccability. They emerged very clearly when the client performed the exercise of obligation. The client was asked to present in writing what she should, and what her husband should do (according to the client). The text turned out to be quite eloquent: Client’s husband - Support the family (if I see that he can’t do it, then how will it work out...); - To be gentle, affectionate (but when he doesn’t succeed, then this is forgiven him): - to be faithful to his wife, to be her property (under some conditions this is forgiven him) - To be affectionate, kind, gentle; - To be understanding of everything, to contain the house in order; - Give birth to children (should have three); - Cook deliciously every day; - Give your husband a massage every evening; - Respond to your husband’s caresses, always willingly agree to intimacy with desire, if not real, then at least feigned, so as not to noticed; - Be faithful, do not cheat on your husband; - Raise children correctly. The list of responsibilities, as can be seen from the text, differs both in volume and content. D. (from her text) has much more obligations than he does (8 versus 3) and they are much “tougher.” All three husband’s obligations have exceptions, which is not the case in the client’s obligations. The processing of introjects was carried out in traditional Gestalt therapy ways: the introjected message was considered from different positions: from the point of view of different people, circumstances, spoken out with different intonations - loudly, quietly, slowly, realized, personified , was crushed in every possible way, “chewed”, “digested” (“At what moments did this thought sound? How did you know about it? From whom? Etc.”) While working with introjects, it became clear that the main “introjector” was the mother clients. D. reacts painfully to the topic of his mother and tries to defend her (“Do not criticize your mother under any circumstances”). A very strong feeling of guilt towards the mother. (“I can’t say or do anything bad to her, she has done so much for me and continues to do.”) Having met such resistance from D., he began to more “softly” work through the problem of her relationship with her mother, to convey to the client’s consciousness that “.. it is not the mother’s fault, but her elementary ignorance, and that there is no need to blame her for “upbringing mistakes, but it is necessary to be aware of their influence on D’s existing patterns of behavior and relationships with others and with himself.” Gradually, D. began to notice her thoughts, desires, actions and those that were not her own, which had become hers over time: “It’s scary to think, I do everything with my children, just as my mother once did with me!” After several sessions, the client wanted to talk about your changes. She said that she herself becameto notice them: “I began to feel calmer about many things. The kids are fighting, but I don’t interfere and I don’t even worry.” She made a number of pleasant discoveries, many changes please her: “The other day I left the children and went for a walk around the city, just for myself. She walked and did not look at the ground, as usual, but at people. It turns out that people smile at me!” She notices changes in relationships on the part of loved ones: “The mother-in-law says: “You stopped loving children,” Husband: “You’ve already retrained there, maybe that’s enough.” When she talks about the changes happening to her, she smiles: “I like that I’ve become like this." On the other hand, D. has a lot of fear that her changes will entail changes in all existing relationships and “... the peace and prosperity that now exists.” Fear, the fear of being abandoned, is re-actualized. I’m trying to work with this state: “What kind of fear is this, what does it look like? Etc." In response to these attempts to clarify the phenomenology of fear, the patient strongly regresses - she gives the impression of a small child - abandoned and confused, and cries. At the same time, the chest compresses, squeezing the throat: “It’s hard to breathe.” D. has conflicting feelings about the results of therapy. On the one hand, she likes the changes happening to her, on the other hand, she fears being abandoned, abandoned, misunderstood, because she will change: “Everything can change, and that’s scary.” The therapist-client relationship was discussed. In relation to me, these feelings are also relevant - the fear of being abandoned, unnecessary. A storm of negative (aggressive) feelings was caused by the book “Good girls go to heaven, and bad girls go wherever they want.” - “I don’t want to be such a feminist.” D. said that she didn’t want to read it, and when she read it, she tore her hands. Behind this reaction one can see a reluctance to accept “dirty thoughts.” The client began to complain about obsessive thoughts (fears) that something terrible would happen, “... because I don’t think well, I fantasize. God will punish the children. Thoughts arise on their own.” Obsessions appeared in response to the client’s internal tension associated with fear of change. I read from Kociunas that “the most important unconscious conflict of a compulsive personality is the struggle between obedience and disobedience, between the desire to please and the desire to resist authority.” Work on this problem was carried out through attempts to return these thoughts to the Self, to realize and accept them as their own. The client, despite the positive changes that she herself noticed, has a lot of fear, no experience of independence, responsibility. He suggested that the client take her time in the near future, live with a new positive experience of herself, experiment, and gain a foothold in this place. In the course of further work, the client “matured” more and more. She no longer gave the impression of a small, frightened child. D. began to show more and more aggression. From being obedient, dependent, the client went to the other extreme - she became aggressive, intractable, conflict-ridden - in her behavior now D. began to resemble a teenager - rebellious, not recognizing authority, not accommodating. As D. herself called this segment of therapy, “The stage of war with others.” It was mainly about people close to her - her husband, mother, mother-in-law. It was a time of attempts to defend the boundaries of one’s self, but in very radical ways, aggressively, selfishly, without regard for the interests of other people - “I don’t know anything, I don’t want to listen to anything, regardless of any arguments.” At this stage, work was carried out to understand what was happening, various methods of interaction were developed together with D., played out and played out both in the session format and in the context of real life. Gradually, the client began to experience changes in the perception of the situation and other people. “The conflict situation,” according to D., “has stopped jamming.” A series of epiphanies occurred in the client's mind. Her next conflict with her husband especially advanced her, where she suddenly realized that “... you can look at this in a different way.” “I was always right before this. Now my brain is lighter. I had a plan in my mind to get out ofsituation, I suddenly began to see where I was wrong.” This is how Others appeared in the client’s mind, but not those who need to be feared and obeyed, or rebel against them, but Others as equals who can be accepted and respected for their views, even if they differ from their own. D. has entered the maturing stage. Work with D. continues. Now she has an actualized problem of shame - being funny, stupid, “not ideal.” In conclusion, I present a fairy tale written by D., which very beautifully reflects the changes in the client’s consciousness that happened to her during the therapy process. The fairy tale about the Squirrel. Once upon a time there was a Squirrel. Red, fidgety and fluffy. She lived with her mother Belka in the hollow of an old tree. Mom loved little Squirrel very much. They lived amicably and cheerfully and did everything together: they picked mushrooms and berries, and then dried them, putting them on branches. True, very soon Squirrel felt cramped in the small hollow. She really wanted to find out everything in the forest, to try everything. Only Belka’s mother, for some reason, was not entirely happy with Belochka’s plans and decided to lock her in the hollow, because there are so many scary and dangerous things in the forest. But our Squirrel still outwitted her mother and ran away into the forest. And Lis helped her with this. Very mature and independent, compared to Squirrel. He lived in the forest alone and was not afraid of anything because he was brave, smart and cunning. While he was distracting the attention of Squirrel’s mother, Squirrel quickly slipped through the door of the hollow, only her tail flashed. The Fox invited Squirrel into his hole, she agreed, and they began to live together. Finally, Squirrel was able to get into this interesting and mysterious forest. They often went for walks with the Fox, who guarded her. They were so fun and interesting together that Squirrel did not immediately notice that when the Fox left, he locked her in a hole in the same way as Squirrel’s mother had once done. And when they walked in the forest, he always walked ahead, of course, in order to protect her in case of danger, but he also blocked all the most interesting things in the forest. When the squirrel realized this, she ran away from this hole and was left completely alone in the forest. It got dark very quickly and a strong wind blew. Huge trees swayed, frightening the little fugitive. The squirrel was really very scared. The forest no longer seemed mysterious and interesting to her, but menacing and dangerous. Mom Belka turned out to be right. Suddenly, a terrible, shaggy beast jumped out of the darkness towards little Belochka. He grabbed her with his huge clawed paws and was about to eat her, but Squirrel miraculously managed to wriggle free and rushed to run away. Only a piece of red fur remained in the beast’s teeth. Little Squirrel ran without looking back and stopped only when she smelled a new misfortune - the smell of smoke. A fire was breaking out in the forest. It seemed like there was fire everywhere. The squirrel rushed from side to side, and the fire was getting closer and closer. With the last of her strength, the little girl jumped out of the ring of fire. But the flame still scorched her beautiful ear. Hungry, dirty and scared to death, little Squirrel collapsed from fatigue when she finally came across someone’s hole. Badger lived in this hole. Animals from all over the forest came to him for help, because he was kind and wise. And now, before Squirrel had time to scratch herself, Badger immediately opened the door for her. No, he was not a wizard, he just knew and was able to feel what others did not know and did not feel. The Badger let Squirrel into his hole, warmed, fed and calmed the baby. I cleaned her fur of thorns and burrs. And finally Squirrel felt light and calm. She liked the good Badger so much that she wanted to stay with him forever. No one has ever understood Squirrel like he does. Even when Squirrel didn’t understand herself. But Badger did not offer her to stay forever, although he did not drive her away. Squirrel was tormented by uncertainty, but did not dare to ask directly. They often went for walks in the forest, which once scared Squirrel so much. At first she was afraid to even stick her nose out of the hole, but the wise Badger did not rush her. And finally, the thirst for life and curiosity won. Their walks aroundthe forest were unusual for Squirrel. They were very different from walks with mother Belka, who always carried little Belochka on her back and did not let her take a single step. They were also very different from walks with the Fox, who always walked ahead, and Squirrel saw nothing, but only listened to caring warnings: “Be careful - the ditch, follow me”; “Watch your step, don’t trip over a snag”; “Bend down, don’t get caught on a branch,” etc. With Badger it was different. He walked alongside, not blocking Squirrel’s path, and was in no hurry to warn about all sorts of surprises and dangers. He allowed Squirrel herself to notice them or not notice them. When the squirrel discovered an obstacle and overcame it, the Badger rejoiced with her. If, for example, she fell into some ditch, he calmly helped her get out, licked her wet and trembling girlfriend, and they moved on. And after the walks, they sat in Badger’s warm and cozy hole, drank tea with honey and cheerfully recalled their adventures. One day, friends, as usual, went for a walk in that part of the forest where Squirrel had never been before. They walked, as always, enthusiastically talking, and Squirrel did not even notice how they ended up at a forest lake. Little Squirrel had never seen so much water before. Out of surprise, she stopped with her eyes wide open in amazement. The squirrel really wanted to go up to the water, touch it, find out what it was, but she couldn’t make up her mind. She looked first at the water, then at the Badger, and then back at the water. Then Badger was the first to approach the water, put his paw in the water and looked expectantly at Squirrel. And she stood still for a few minutes and went to the very edge of the water. The day turned out to be windless, and the surface of the lake was smooth and shiny, like a mirror. Badger pointed to Squirrel's reflection in the water and said: “Look, it's you.” Squirrel looked at her reflection and trembled with fear, horror and disgust. A bright red animal looked at her from the water, like the flame of that fire from which Squirrel barely escaped. The fire is so destructive, merciless, uncontrollable - and she is the same color as him??!! (Horror). The squirrel noticed on its side, where a tuft of fur had been torn out, an ugly, ugly scar. Then she saw her burnt ear. Until now, she was sure that she, like all squirrels, had two charming, pointy ears with tassels at the ends. And then... Is this terrible, disgusting creature that was looking at her from the water - is it she, little Squirrel, her mother’s girl??!! Squirrel jumped away from the water, covered her face with her paws and shouted: “No, it’s not me!!! She curled up into a ball and sat for a long, long time, mourning the old self that she once was - her mother’s good girl. Squirrel couldn’t bring herself to look up at Badger. He saw her THIS way from the very beginning. How could he remain so affectionate, kind and attentive, seeing her THIS way? How can anyone communicate with such a vile creature like her? Suddenly she felt someone stroking her head. Squirrel looked up and saw the wise Badger next to her. He said something calmly and judiciously: he either explained something or calmed him down - Squirrel didn’t hear, her ears were ringing from screaming and tears. But she saw his eyes, in which tenderness, understanding and compassion shone. There was not even a shadow of disgust or disgust in them. And then Squirrel heard his words: “You’ve always been red, like fire, you were born that way and there’s nowhere to go. Think about it, fire is not only fire, destruction and misfortune. If you learn to control fire, how much benefit it can bring. With its help you can warm, feed, protect and defend yourself. Learn to live with it. Your scar and burnt ear didn't make you ugly at all. After all, you didn’t surrender to the mercy of fate. You fought, resisted and survived, and paid for it not such a big price - “a scrap of wool and a tassel from your ear.” The squirrel went back to the water and looked at itself again. It was not little Squirrel who looked at her from the water, but.