About the ability to refuse. An action that is sometimes difficult. Most likely, there have been situations with you when you were asked for something, and you agreed, without having the slightest desire to do it. It's one thing when these are elderly parents who need help, and another when a colleague asks you to do work that is not your responsibility. There is a difference. Let's look at why it's so difficult to say no. A person lives and develops in a society where he develops many relationships in which, ideally, there is an equal exchange. It is normal that we help someone, and someone helps us in return. But in some relationships, the balance may be upset and, when refusing someone, a person feels guilty or agrees, despite unpleasant internal bells. There are many reasons why it is difficult for us to refuse. One of the main ones is the fear of offending a person and losing his favor. Another reason why it is sometimes difficult to refuse a person is due to the fact that you want to look good in his eyes. Example: you come to the store to buy a mattress, and a friendly consultant offers you to test several options, politely creating comfortable conditions for you. Under the pressure of politeness, it is difficult to refuse an offer, and then a purchase, so as not to offend the person and lose face. Does it respond? There are a number of other reasons why it is so difficult for us to refuse: the desire to gain benefits in the future, the fear of entering into conflict, the fear of missing out on an interesting opportunity and the inability to build personal boundaries. We cater to the will of others so as not to offend, but at the same time we offend ourselves by suppressing our own needs. There is nothing wrong with being responsive and sociable, but you need to know the boundaries. Sometimes, our unwanted consent can cause us a lot of inconvenience, and we may end up in a place where we do not like; with people with whom we are uncomfortable and doing things that cause discomfort. If you find it difficult to say no, remind yourself that you don't have to agree. If you break free from habitual behavior patterns, you will feel free. It is important to understand that refusal is not always a sharp “no”. You need to refuse, respecting your feelings and taking into account your relationship with your interlocutor. “Before, I could run all day long to wherever I was invited, although it was not at all interesting to me. And the day I learned to say no, I found a lot of time for myself and for the things I really enjoy. This completely changed my life. I believed that you should always say “yes” in order to be loved.” Frederic Beigbeder