A person with narcissistic personality disorder is a rare guest in therapy. This is facilitated by his personal characteristics: a weak ability to objectively assess his attitudes and actions, devaluation of what happens in therapy, pessimism, mistrust, difficulties in accepting help, an arrogant attitude, envy, low tolerance for frustration. Because the therapeutic relationship involves a degree of emotional intimacy and vulnerability, this is extremely difficult for the narcissist to commit to. If a narcissist comes to therapy, it is in a very poor emotional state. Mostly, children of parents with NPD come to therapy, and often they are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, and masochism. The basic feeling in all these cases is a feeling of defectiveness, which has been split off for a long time by the narcissistic parent and placed in his child, whose hard lot has been to serve as a container for his negativity. What does a child who grows up in the family of a parent with NPD face? 1. Emotional deprivation. As a rule, a narcissist decides to become a parent either because it is necessary, or in order to see in the child an extension of his own self. There is either no interest or affection for the child (rather, he is perceived as a burden), or interest is shown selectively - only in cases of meeting the expectations of the narcissist, but this happens later, when the child begins to understand that in order to earn the notorious approval of the parent, he needs to please him . In this case, the child develops a false identity. But he can also take the path of rebellion, risking building his life according to the scenario of opposing any authorities who in any way resemble a parent. In early childhood, a child is faced with parental indifference and detachment, and even harsh treatment. 2. Lack of empathy. Lack of empathy on the part of the parent increases the child’s feeling of emotional deprivation and abandonment. A parent with NPD is unable to understand how the child is feeling, unable to show empathy or provide emotional support. The child’s tears make him want to move away from this frustrating factor or reproach him for weakness. 3. Operation. The interest of a parent with NPD in a child is often based on his usefulness. He does not regard the child as a loved one in need of warmth and care; he sees him only as a service staff. The child is entrusted with taking care of her husband, her own parents, and all household responsibilities. Very often incest occurs in such families, since the mother, for example, delegates most of her responsibilities to her daughter, and the daughter, in a sense, becomes the father’s “psychological wife.” In practice, there have also been situations where an older brother raped his sister with the tacit consent of the mother, who found it easier to pretend that nothing was happening. One of the guests could have molested the child. Clients who experienced this said that the mother did not even want to listen to their complaints, but only accused or “gaslighted”, convincing her daughter that she was making it all up. 4. Depreciation. A parent with NPD always sets himself as an example for the child, and everything that the child does is devalued, his choice, his achievements, his appearance are criticized. At worst, everything that contributes to the child's healthy autonomy is devalued. The parent tries to disable the child so that he always remains his resource appendage. 5. Maintaining an ideal external façade. It is important for a parent with NPD to create the appearance of an ideal family, so if a child washes dirty laundry in public by complaining about a parent, he will be severely ignored or severely punished at home. The image of an ideal family and success at work fuel the grandiose self-importance of such a parent, and the child’s complaints destroy this ideal, artificially created image, confronting him with a sense of his own defectiveness and shame, which causes a lot of rage. 6. Manipulation. Communication ©