From the author: I am sure that it is possible to change your life only after you change your attitude towards yourself. This is my path to freedom, happiness and pleasure. I grew up in an ordinary Soviet family and all the signs and symptoms of codependency were evident by the age of 18. I had low and unstable self-esteem, I was very susceptible to the opinions of other people, I tried to do everything to be good, I never expressed aggression, but was constantly offended, I really wanted to be needed. Socially, everything was great - I finished school well and entered a university. I fell in love and got married, and of course my choice fell on an addict. When I realized this, I continued to believe that I would “save” him. I was “blind” for some time, but very happy. Thanks to this man and my great love, the most ordinary Miracle happened - my son was born. Then it was as if I saw the light and began to notice all the delights of our relationship, I didn’t know what to do, I found only one way to save myself and the child - divorce. It was painful, how painful only God knows, those who went through the horror of rejection and misunderstanding, the bitterness of betrayal and the pain of parting can imagine. Now everything has changed. I'm happily married. I love what I do, and it seems to me that this is why I came into this world. I am very grateful and happy about my renewal. I am pleased to notice the changes that have occurred in my life. Now I can say with confidence: “I love myself for who I am.” How did such changes happen? I made up my mind and came to a training group on Gestalt therapy... Today I know that this did not happen by chance, and at the right time. After all, a teacher appears only when there is a student. It was a difficult period in my life, but it seemed like I was ready to learn. Group training, individual and group therapy, specializations, conferences, intensive courses, I am glad that I came to this and am grateful to all those who were with me on this difficult path. Analyzing my life, I understand that I have acquired a new feeling of freedom. How did I do this? What do I do for this? I learned to value myself and treat myself with respect. This is especially evident in words addressed to oneself and in the ability to take care of oneself. Now I'm quite careful about how I talk to myself. It was difficult. At first, I simply had to force myself to stop all attempts to call myself names and devalue myself; I stopped engaging in self-criticism. I gladly accept that I am self-sufficient and self-valued. I am a healthy selfish person and have found my own worth. I love myself no more, but no less than other people. For a long time I tried to please others and preferably everyone, I constantly thought about what people thought about me. Now I have grown up and no longer need anyone's approval and love. I found peace and freedom because I realized that worrying about what others think is a waste of time. Other people see me through the lens of themselves, and their opinion of me cannot be more meaningful to me than my own. I value myself and love myself, I take care of my needs and the desires of my heart, I protect my boundaries. I learned to make choices based on my feelings. And I know well that I don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations. I accept that I’m not ideal. I like the idea that I am perfect, but not perfect. Perfect because it’s alive and everything in my body works, perfect like everything living and nonliving in this world. And ideality is only an illusion, it does not exist, and that means I am not ideal. I'm glad that I managed to accept myself and stop chasing perfection. This is what allows me to be myself. I realize that I am “good enough.” I accept my strengths and weaknesses and can develop. I am responsible for what I do, I accept my mistakes as lessons, because thanks to them I can grow and become wiser. I like the rule from NLP thatthere are no failures, there is no bad or good result, but there is experience. I learned to listen to myself, my feelings, my body. Now I know that my body and my soul sometimes need a recharge, but I don’t think I have to explain anything to anyone. I don't owe anyone anything at all. I stopped believing that it is necessary to do something all the time, to prove something to someone. But since childhood I grew up with the thought “do something, don’t sit idle.” I learned to listen to myself and my body, and got rid of the guilt for not doing anything. I can enjoy watching good films, listening to my favorite music, reading, drawing, walking in nature, but only when I really want it. I like to do what makes my soul sing. I respect my feelings and live them. Now I have no prohibition on any feelings, because they are all equally important. I have even learned to accept my anger and try to find fairly adequate ways to express it. I accept myself and accept others in their diversity. I practically stopped gossiping and judging people, because all this is a great way to satisfy your importance at the expense of others, or a cunning way not to live your life. I know that everyone goes their own way, and everyone is different. And if I judge someone else for something, then this is precisely what I do not accept in myself, or what I do not allow myself. And then I ask the question “how is this about me?” in order to understand and accept myself even better. F. Pelz said: “We all live in a house with mirrored windows,” so everything I see is more about me than about another person. I live my life and focus on myself. I have accepted responsibility for myself and my life. Automatically, I had to stop blaming other people and circumstances, stop being offended. I refuse to play the victim. I like much more to realize what my contribution is to what is happening. Now no one can hurt me, no one can harm me or upset me if I don't want it. After all, I am responsible for what I feel, think and do. I know that my future is the result of my choices today. I learned to communicate directly. It’s much easier this way, because now I don’t have to guess what other people want, feel or think. For me, there is only one way to find out about this - ask. True, this deprives me of the opportunity to manipulate, but I don’t regret it. Living in reality is much more interesting to me. In relationships, I value cooperation and win-win. At the same time, I respect both myself and others. I don't like to quarrel and compete with others. I don't want to prove anything. I know that everyone is unique in their own way. I stopped comparing myself to others. I value partnerships. It is together that we can truly win. I agree that “Love is cooperation, not competition.” (Wayne Dyer). I think this is true for relationships in general. I live in reality and am happy. When I was 19 years old, my father said that you shouldn’t live in the future and think that you will be happy when..., you need to live today and enjoy what you already have. I heard it then, but understood it much later, ten years later, when I was already closely studying Gestalt. Now I have learned to find happiness in the small joys of life. I admire and rejoice at the reality in which I live. For me now, every day is a gift, and every moment is important and unique. I am learning to trust and be grateful. I accept that there are things in my life that I cannot control, no matter how strong I am. I am learning to trust God, Fate and myself. In many ways, this is what relieves anxiety about the future. I trust the flow of life and believe that we live in an intelligent Universe where everything works out in the best possible way. And nothing happens by chance. Everything that happens in my life happens not to me, but for me. I THANK God and the Universe for the fact that “everything is as it is.” I am grateful for everything I have: a fairly healthy body, mind and.