Suppose a parent is annoyed by the need to take care of his child. We will not now understand the reasons for this irritation. This is a separate personal topic for everyone. It is difficult for him to tolerate children's whims and complaints; he is unable to calm the baby down when he is ill or in pain. This adult himself feels bad, he has no resource, no strength. Often the situation is simply unbearable for him. He can say - shut up, everything is fine with you, what else is needed, don’t whine, I feel bad, don’t you understand...? At some point, the child will understand everything and learn a rule that will become eternal for him. In order to no longer irritate the parent, he will decide to “push” his needs, feelings and emotions. To make the parent happy, you just need to pretend as if everything is fine. Even better is not to make any appearance at all. You can look at the world with the lights off, even if it is a black and white world - without colors. Not pretending is better, because you can also get something for “good” at the wrong moment. This child will no longer come for help, he will not talk about his difficulties, he will not ask for advice, he will remain silent. Soon he will put on a mask of indifference to himself, freeze his feelings and gradually cease to feel himself. After all, the world is, in fact, stronger than him. The world has won. Thus, the parent taught, ordered, forced him to make a choice - not to want anything, not to ask and never to express his disappointment, resentment, fear, anger... joy. This prohibition, imposed on the child by the parent, will become part of the parental state of this boy or girl . And as an adult, he will carry this curse inside himself - “Don’t be...!” Until he finds it and abandons it. Why should parents instill grief, prohibitions and regulations in their children? Exclusively for the sake of relieving your anxiety, for your own convenience and peace of mind. Prohibitions are a mirror for the fear, anger and desires of adults. @Sazonova Anna Valerievna (Anna Lavier), family psychologist The article was previously published on the website annalavier.ru