Quite often when working with the ACA, the issue of normality is raised. ,,Is this normal or not, what is happening to me, what do I feel is normal? What did I do? Is it normal? It seems to me that this is not normal." Frequent questions that people who grew up in alcohol-dependent families ask themselves or others. Trying to guess the norm for ACA is one of the main characteristics, since a child raised in a dysfunctional family does not know and does not understand what this is the norm. If we collect the general experience of the ACA, then how could they acquire an understanding of the norm? Was their life similar to a madhouse, as the only familiar and familiar way of life? Children accept what is happening to them differently and choose different types of behavior and survival in alcoholism. family. Many children, going home, did not know what might be happening at home, but they were never sure that everything was okay there. And if there were moments when everything was calm, it was not often and not for long. there is no coordinate system built into it, in which it is clear what life is like in a fairly good family, where it is safe and reliable. The family taught, don’t trust, don’t talk, don’t feel. This is what the ACA learned in their difficult childhood: you need to always be on guard. and suppress your feelings. Much of what happened in childhood with ACA influenced the fact that one has to guess what the norm is in adult life. Working with people who grew up in dysfunctional families begins with psychoeducation and information. It is important to know and understand that the concept of “normality” is rather inappropriate and ineffective in this area. The most effective will be reasoning about functional or dysfunctional categories. What actions help you move towards what is important? What works well? What's not so good? What behavior is not serving you in any way on the path to the life you would like to live? Thus, it is important to understand what is important for a person, what will help him be effective, move towards the life he wants to live, and not try to guess the normality of certain manifestations. The story about the ideal “I” in school, in the family, in various social roles is just a myth that can sit quite firmly in the duties and beliefs of the ACA due to an established misunderstanding of the norm. Achieving and maintaining ideal roles can take a lot of vitality, but since the ideal does not exist, the flow of self-judgment takes up a lot of energy. Thinking about what will be more functional for an adult child, what will help cope with the problem more effectively, will be more useful than defining normality or strive for the point of the Ideal Self. It is important to show the difference in life with its ups and downs. There may be both suffering and success, and in order to effectively move through life it is not necessary not to experience any difficult feelings and emotions, it is important not to get stuck.