Sexuality is not sex! These are not just some physical movements in bed with another person. Sexuality is not sex appeal. Not some defiant appearance. All this is just a small and completely optional part of sexuality. Sexuality is a vast and profound phenomenon of human life. Sigmund Freud was one of those who expanded the understanding of sexuality in human culture. And the task of modern psychoanalysis is to continue this endeavor, which I will now do. Sexuality is an internal content, one might say that it is some kind of building inside your soul. This is your relationship both with yourself and with other people. All this is not limited to things like smells or other physiological mechanisms, although of course it includes this as a foundation. The only peculiarity of any house is (and as we agreed, sexuality is one of the houses of your soul) that the house is supported not only by the foundation. A foundation alone is not enough. It will just be an empty and cold site. Moreover, there may be thousands of places where you can build a house, but the uniqueness of your house is determined not only and not so much by the place on which this house stands, but by how this house is built, from what elements, how it is furnished inside, how it is decorated etc. Of course, if we talk about the biological components of sexuality, it is clear that if they fail, certain difficulties may arise in your sex life. And here it is hardly worth following some simple recommendations from the series “go on some trip” or “try sex in new places.” If the structure of the house is broken, then cosmetic repairs will not help. The difference between sex and sexuality is very clearly manifested precisely when sex disappears from your life. And if in this difficult situation you follow the slightly tabloid advice that I mentioned a minute ago, then this will only delay its resolution. As my and my colleagues’ consulting experience shows, such events are the first thing people resort to when they have problems with sex and they try to solve them in this way. If your issue is really resolved through these kinds of methods, then this just means that By and large, nothing went wrong with you in sex, but it just seemed to you. But if sexuality, which is the basis of sex for a person, breaks down, then a much more subtle and deep study will be required. But the results will delight you for many years to come. How to improve sexuality? Three components can be distinguished. The first is to expand the range of your sexual behavior. These are various sexual techniques and practices. Now there are wonderful specialists in this direction. The second component is practices aimed at increasing sensitivity. This could be body-oriented psychotherapy. And the third component is speech and figurative practices. When, for example, in the process of psychoanalysis you get to know your own sexuality through the study of its formation. Find words to describe your sexuality. Answer questions. What is your image as a sexual subject? As a sexual object? How do you see yourself in these roles? What is connected with this? When you begin to build and probe these components of sexuality, then you have the opportunity to begin to feel more clearly with whom you want to have a sexual relationship and with whom you do not want to. This does not corrupt you, but on the contrary makes you more selective in sexual behavior. You have the opportunity to turn all those external techniques and techniques that you have mastered into the music of sex. Into the beautiful dance of love. Then for you sex will no longer be just some way to relieve tension. One of the defense mechanisms identified in psychoanalysis is sexualization, when you resolve some kind of psychological trauma by bringing it in a transformed form into your sex life. In most cases there is no problem with this.