The topic of disappointment is a very common one. Judge for yourself how often you hear “I thought he was like that, but it turned out that in fact...”, “she seemed like a completely different person to me...”, “I don’t understand how, after everything I’ve done for him, he can behave like this!”, “don’t do good to people, you won’t get evil. I help people with the best intentions, and in return, not only help in return, but you won’t get any gratitude either!”...And this list can be continued endlessly. I think you get the gist. So why so much frustration and worry? As my friend says, there was no need to be enchanted so as not to be disappointed later. And in general, she is right. Now I will explain to you the mechanism of disappointment, I hope after this everything will clear up a little and maybe you will even change your attitude towards this topic. When we meet a person, we perceive him from the “height” of our experience. Whether we like it or not, this is an automatic process for everyone. Let's start with simple examples from life. For example, this person may remind you of your best friend from school, and you a priori become more favorable to this person. And sometimes you attribute (unconsciously, of course) to him some of the qualities of that very friend. Sometimes, your repressed qualities, which are unacceptable, but still inherent in you, are reflected in another. And then you begin to think badly about this person, to condemn him: “Galya, look how cool!.. Look, she’s dressed up, me too!” And sometimes you just think that people should behave in such and such a way. For example, in response to your help, they must help you, be sincere and open towards you, must always support you in everything, and many other obligations. (And you don’t need to say now: “Yes, no, I know that no one owes me anything, but in the end they just don’t act!”) Disappointment occurs when there are a lot of expectations from a person inside. What are these expectations? Where do they come from? Expectations from others consist of: Projections - what I repress in myself, I attribute to others. Introjects - rules and norms invented by someone once, which I accepted without analyzing and follow them. Usually, introjects are laid down in childhood (for example, a girl should be gentle, a boy should not cry, a friend should always be there, a good wife is a meek wife, etc.). Proflection - when I do to another what I would like to receive from him for himself. In “everyday wisdom” this is: “treat people the way you want to be treated.” A person begins to help another, in the hope that they will help him. But something goes wrong and... The other one doesn’t help in response. And this is logical. After all, everyone’s needs are different. Having such an arsenal behind me, I meet a person, look at him for 5-10 seconds and... I already “understand” everything about him and “know exactly” what to expect. What mistake do you think I’m making? Right. I don’t see a person, I see the IMAGE of this person, which I drew thanks to all my baggage from projections, introjects and proflexion. And then I communicate with this IMAGE. And everything is wonderful and wonderful until suddenly... Another person begins to somehow break out of this image. Behaving in ways that do not correspond to the ideal portrait that I have painted. He does, acts or says something completely different from what is written in my head. And then I think: “What a bastard! I thought you were like this, but you turned out to be completely different! How can you do this? ! I believed you, I thought that you were different from others. And you are the same as all of them!” And then the most interesting thing is that I begin to interact with this person based on the new image of a bad person, which I myself created again! And until the absurdity of my behavior dawns on me, I am doomed to walk in a vicious circle of charm - idealization - disappointment - devaluation (after all, I am not ready to face reality, so with my devaluation I will continue to support my illusion). After all, I was not disappointed in a person. I didn’t even want to and didn’t bother to get to know him. I'm disappointed in my own».