From the author: Article by the author. Taken from If you are unlucky in love, you can increasingly hear advice: love yourself first. And many people ask in bewilderment, how is this possible? In fact, explaining this to a person who has not yet experienced unconditional self-love is difficult, but possible. Usually, if a woman does not love herself, she has failures, “black holes” in her attitude towards herself. She doesn't like herself completely - unconditionally. She only likes herself in places. In some places it’s not very good, but in others it just hates itself. And it doesn’t matter what it concerns: the physical body, habits or character traits. Loving yourself does not mean being a narcissistic egoist. This just means realizing who you really are, and accepting EVERYTHING in yourself as it really is, without judging or criticizing. When a woman doesn’t love herself, she suppresses some manifestations of her character, habits or tries to ignore things about himself that he doesn’t like. Thus, becoming even more constrained, insecure and unloving of herself. When a woman accepts herself as she is, she gives herself a chance to change. If he doesn't accept, there is only a chance of loneliness. Even if there is someone nearby. Such a woman will always be dissatisfied with herself, and therefore with others. By accepting yourself as you are, you begin to be filled with love and care for yourself. By caring, you can change everything you don’t like about yourself! And when you are filled with self-love, you simply enjoy life, and perceive others without criticism and judgment, because you begin to understand them as yourself. When you are filled with self-love, you gain the ability to share it with others, including a man. Where does this dislike come from? to the most precious person in the world - herself? You probably guessed it - from childhood. When parents, protecting and caring for us, literally stifle our individuality, our peculiarity with their criticism, impatience and their fears for our lives. But believe me, there is no need to hold it against them for this. They too were in your shoes and they were also criticized, shamed, blamed and not accepted for who they are. This is how it was and will be from generation to generation until you, and precisely you, decide to put an end to it. And you will not begin to love yourself completely and unconditionally. Having learned to love yourself, you will not need someone else's love, someone else's approval. You will have more than enough of your own, and you will be able to give it to others. Everything around you will begin to change on its own. The one who needs love within you is most likely your Inner Child, who was not loved in childhood. You need to find him in yourself and give him everything that he didn’t receive back then - care, understanding, acceptance, attention and of course Love. For greater awareness, I bring to your attention the metaphor “Rose Bush” Two brothers lived in one small village. They loved flowers very much. The house in which they lived took up a lot of space, and there was little free land. But kind parents allowed the brothers to plant a rose bush. Which is what they did. However, they had to be planted in different places. Both brothers eagerly ran to their roses every morning. They lovingly watered them with crystal clear water from a spring, carefully trimmed the branches and fed them with fertilizers. Every day the bushes became more and more beautiful. The buds were already pouring on them, ready to bloom and turn the bushes into a fragrant paradise, strewn with beautiful flowers. But one morning, one of the brothers, while caring for a rose, accidentally pricked his finger with a thorn, from which blood spurted out. From surprise and sharp pain, he screamed. The brother got angry and shouted: “Nasty Rose!” This is the only thing I can do! - I put so much effort into you: I water, loosen the soil and fertilize. I care about you so much! But you are of no use - only problems. He got offended by the bush and stopped going to it every morning. Now there is no one to water it. For the first few days, the rose bush yearned for its little gardener. But the kind sun warmed it with its love, butterflies fluttered and admired, and birds chirped cheerful songs. And this brightened up his sadness. After some time, the sun.